u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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