then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He shit in the fireplace
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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