Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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