just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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