She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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