If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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