hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
