you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
