I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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