is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
sex in a hospital.. check
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
