jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
