You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
