i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
