I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
