EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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