I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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