Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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