i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
