we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You took a bar mat shot.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
