The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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