I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
