I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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