This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
