i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
