i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
