guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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