she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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