How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
