I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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