hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize