the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
