the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
