I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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