Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
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I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
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I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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