In the future we'll all be gay
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
