Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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