I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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