I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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