I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
North Korea, Best Korea!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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