I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if only i could text you this smell
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
