Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
