My hand turned me down
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
