So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
