so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize