It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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