Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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