I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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