like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
