I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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