My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
