Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
