he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
