I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
