I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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