wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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