Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
