You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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