I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
