I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
