I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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