I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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